6/29/09

Emily is anxiously awaiting the 4th this Saturday. I'm trying to convince her/everybody that we should go to the park this year (last year the best we could do was outside my mom's house and watch it from the museum), I'm hoping I'll win. As for Benjamin, I'm not too sure about that one, but we'll see.

It's funny to see yet another difference in the way I'm handling Benjamin vs. Emily when thinking about fireworks. I remember when Emily was one, there wasn't even a conversation about taking her out, because it was so much after her bedtime. With Benjamin, the only concern I have is whether or not it's worth putting up with his screaming.. Maybe if I cared more about things like bedtime with him, he'd scream less.. hmmm..

Emily can now stroll into the computer room, turn on either computer, log in as herself, start up her web browser, and entertain herself for as long as she wants. As I sat here writing this, I watched her leave the computer room (didn't even really acknowledge I was sitting here on the couch), walk into the kitchen, grab a bowl, get some crackers, put the crackers back in the pantry... then rethink the whole thing, put everything back, grab a popsicle and sat down to enjoy it. I wondered what it would be like when she reached this point, and more than excitement, I'm starting to worry at how fast this is all going.. I fear I'll blink and she'll be off to college.

I've found new ways to worry about Benjamin lately, but before I write about those, I'll catch you up to how I've progressed: something wrong before birth, deaf, deaf some more, autistic, some other huge problem that I can't remember, and now.. He won't ever speak.

So, we went in for our year appointment a while ago, and the doctor asked how many words he could say. Compounded with the grandson of a freind of mine around the same age speaking in about ten different languages, that was enough to send me over the edge with that worry. The doctor explained that the main thing she will be looking for is understanding, not so much words. Yeah, sure.

Well, if all that is true, I think we're getting somewhere. In the past week or so, we've noticed Ben understanding quite a bit. Now we can say things like, "Let's go outside" or "let's change your diaper" or "put your passy in your bed" and he knows exactly what we're saying. If we ask him if he wants to go outside, he'll stretch his arm out as far as it can go and let it lead him to the back door, as if it were pulling him there (all while giggling).

So, we can't say mom, dad (and mean it, at least), and can't really find our nose, eyes, whatever, he sure is getting the stuff that matters to him :)

I'm off to play with Emily in the backyard before she grows another ten years or so without me noticing.

The problem(s) with this blog have continued to plague me. First there's the whole writing thing... I've noticed that one of my largest hold-ups is due to the fact that I stare at the "title" window for about fifteen minutes before even attempting to write anything every time I try to sit down and write a blog post.. Hence the no title to this one..

Then there's the whole content thing. I've discussed this plenty on previous posts, but here we are again: too long between posts, don't know what to try to cram in here, no idea how to start over, blah blah blah..

Then there's the whole 'other' social media outlets problem. With twitter, facebook, and youtube, I carpet bomb the world in short bits a lot more than I visit this writing post, so I excuse myself from it any chance I get.
But then, I find myself in situations where all I can think about is that if I don't find the time to document my thoughts, they'll be forgotten soon from now.

A perfect example involves Emily and swimming lately. Every time we go swimming now, I'm reminded of last year's experiences, as well as the years before that. Watching her grow a day at a time blends milestones together, but when I can see her growth in a common experience (the pool, only happening once a year), it becomes clear how much she has grown in just a few years. Where last year she was still clutching to me with all of her strength, surrounded by floaties, begging for me not to let her go... Now there's not a ten second interval that goes by without her yelling, "daddy, watch this!" as she comes up with a new trick, or how she can stay longer under the water, or how far she can jump off the side. She's been very proud of herself being self taught to swim without floaties, and manages to rope any stranger at the neighborhood pool within fifteen feet of us into watching her extraordinary talents in the water.

So, I sit there, watching her swim, jump, mess with her goggles, talk to her friends, introduce herself to strangers... grow up... right before my eyes, and all I want to do is know that in ten years I'll remember how precious this time was. But, as you can see, by the time we get back to the house, writing my thoughts down is the last thing on my mind.

I've seen many of the tech forerunners on the web give up on blogging for "better" forms of social networking, which I've mentioned above. From the inception of this blog, however, that was not the goal. My goal wasn't to network socially, but rather to digitally scrapbook our lives together. I tell myself all too often that my life is much to boring to sit and document on a regular basis, and yet I find miracles in both my kids and Leslie every day.

And yet, I find myself with another dilemma... The same dilemma many, including myself, have with other forms of digital collection: reviewing it. Like most, pictures, videos, emails, documents, blogs, etc., all are created and filed, but never really re-visited. Will Emily or Benjamin ever sit down and read any of these posts? Will I? I'll tell ya, on the days I don't write on this thing, you can bet I've convinced myself no... But times like these I think otherwise. Of course, it could just be because the philanthropist on NBC just isn't that interesting, and I love playing on my new netbook :)

So, I think I'm on year two of this blog. I think I remember the beginning being around the same time, so hopefully I'll get back on here more.

Oh, before I move on from this one, I've gotta mention a little about Benjamin. He now laughs when we laugh, just for the sake of laughing. We all should do that more often, I think.

Now, if you don't see much here, there will be tons on facebook, twitter, and my youtube page (especially now that the 3gs uploads straight to youtube.. AWESOME), so make sure you visit there often as well.

Test post

Just testing..